Today's Theme...

"Normal Life"

For longer than I care to remember, I have desired normality.  When I was younger, my mom would constantly remind me that as God's child, I was unlike the rest.  Eventually, I resisted this.  As a child, the primary desire is to fit in.  This does not work when you are constantly reminded that you are different than everyone else.  Not only was I set aside as God's child, but I was not in the "popular circle."  My parents could rarely afford the namebrand materials that seem to make or break a kid's social standing.  All too often, I would feel so isolated, so far from the norm, that I became paranoid and self conscious.  These quirks stayed with me throughout high school, where most of my focus was on trying to stay out of the line of fire from the other, "cooler" kids.  It wasn't until I got to college that I realized that being "normal" isn't necessarily as beautiful a thing as I had imagined.  To this day, I'm still struggling to define the word.  

Although I will admit, I feel more "normal" now than maybe I have in the past, it's still such a subjective term, I doubt it applies to anyone 100%.

Introduction

Like the rest of the world, I've always thought that my life would make an incredible book.  I can't count the times that I have searched for books that relate to me and my life, that would allow me to feel connected with others who have the same dreams, challenges, life stories as myself.  Of course, most of us have been raised to believe that we're unique, that there is noone else like us.  That, of course, is bullshit.  Yes, we are unique.  Yes, we are one of a kind.  But are our stories really so different?  Are our lives so separated and individualized that we have nothing with which to relate to one another?

I have taken pride in many things throughout my life.  I am a college graduate.  I have a full time, decent paying job.  I am self sufficient, articulate, and not bad looking.  I have overcome challenges that I never thought I would have to face, much less conquer.  Yet even with all of these attributes, I still have an endless list of complaints.  My house isn't big enough.  My job doesn't always stimulate me.  I hate getting up early.  I never have enough money, no matter how intricate my excel sheet budgets may be.  What would it take to make a person completely, wholly content?  My religious upbringing encourages me to say that it's have spiritual security, faith that is active and dominant in one's life.  How attainable is that?

Sometimes I think, no, I know that I have many more questions than I will ever have answers.

So what is the point of all of this?  My ramblings today seem to be leading in millions of different directions, with no direct path for any of them.  Maybe that's what this blog is about... The ramblings of Billie.  Sounds good to me.