Why does my head hurt constantly?

Lately, I've had a daily headache. It's not a migraine (thank God), but it's a constant throbbing. Alllll daaaaaayyyy looooonnnnnnggg. Monday-Friday. Weird how it goes away on weekends (I'm thankful for the break tho!).

Anyway, I've had a TON of stuff running through my mind lately and I can't seem to zero in on a blog topic. I have a mental list tho - Death, Daddies, Mindless work vs Major Thinking work, my grandpa, Obama, Books I'm reading, Things I'd Do if I could Do Whatever I want... the list goes on and on. I don't think that I can focus just on one topic tonight, and so I'm just gonna wing it (you're welcome, I know you're totally interested in the workings of Billie's brain).

I am a moderate liberal. I believe that we should be able to have guns (in a legal way). It's not the people (normally) that get the guns thru legal means that are poppin a cap in people's asses, ya know? Personally, I've chosen life, but would never infringe my beliefs on someone else, especially regarding something so personal. I think that if I can have a baby without being married (sin as it is), why should I be able to tell homosexuals they can't be legally "together?" I believe in separation of church and state (after a lot of thought about this one). If my president was a different, opposite religion or belief than what I was comfortable with, I wouldn't want those beliefs to affect my rights. I think we need better educational systems, but I also think that parents should be doing a better job raising their children. I guess what bothers me lately is that these very right wing Christian conservatives that are anti-Obama, anti-healthcare reform, anti-anything to help out the normal, struggling Americans are often the same people that are preaching Christianity (or some form of faith). Don't most religious icons preach tolerance and love?!?! How can you be one thing in one form, but the opposite in something else? I think the issue with a lot of people in this category is their lack of exposure to the "have nots."

Before college, I thought I was raised in the middle class. I was wrong (as many poor people are - it's hard to know that you're poor when everyone else around you is just as poor). After being exposed to some of my friends from college's families, I've realized that I was actually raised as part of the lower class (it coulda been worse, let me stress that. I've always had a roof over my head, food on the table, and love). I guess what has really helped to shape my political opinion has been the experience of myself and the people that are closest to me. Disclaimer: I feel (delusional as it may be) that I'm well on my way to the "haves" section of the room, and so I, just like everyone else, does not want to pay my money that I work hard for to people that do not need nor deserve it. For the folks that do deserve and need help, I see it as my obligation (and right) as a fellow citizen, no, a fellow human being to ensure that I do all that I can to help meet the basic human needs of my fellow man.

I have more to say on this subject and once fired up, I could go for years, but let me leave you with this: IF I could do whatever I wanted without repercussions, one of the things on my list would be to make EVERYONE live a life (or maybe just a year) without priviledge. This means no help from family, to live in a place that doesn't see economic standing or status, to be purely, completely on your own for everything you may ever achieve. This includes a job with no healthcare, no babysitting discounts, no nice salary or working environment, nor parents footing the bill for higher education. After seeing how rough life can actually be, I can't imagine anyone truly thinking that keeping the rich rich and the poor poor is a good or fair or loving option.

I am her.

Over 2 years ago, I'd find myself sitting in the parking lot at the community center waiting for meetings to begin. On most days, I'd watch the preschoolers come gushing through the doors with parents trying to keep up. I always wanted to be one of those parents that were able to offer their child a well rounded daycare. For some reason, the "community center" has symbolized something really good in my mind - I mean, doesn't it sound great?!?! Community? Center? See what I mean?

Anyway, today after I picked Olivia up from her 4th day of school, we came flooding out the doors with her little legs carrying her as fast as they could go (she's still not the most balanced child so movement this quickly always looks a bit unsteady). As she ran down the sidewalk, with her mom in tow, trying to keep up, I had one of those moments where I find myself in the exact position I wanted to be in years before. Today is good.