First, let's talk about why I'm quitting.
- It's taboo.
- It's horrible for my health.
- It sets a horrible example for Olivia.
- It stinks.
- It makes my teeth yellow.
- It's expensive.
- It'll eventually kill me.
All those are fine reasons. And yet, I'm still PISSED!!! I quit smoking for Olivia. Then I started again. The problem is: I like to smoke. It's a disgusting, dirty habit that I love. It symbolizes relaxation and "me time." A glass of wine and a cigarette is my idea of a perfect time. Now, I'm having to reevaluate all that crap.
I'm currently not drinking either - it's too hard to keep myself from smoking while I'm drinking. For now, it's better safe than sorry, however I hope to eventually be able to enjoy a drink or 2 without the intense urge for a smoke.
So, to make me feel better, here's a list of reasons why I'm happy to be quitting:
- I'll be saving $572 this year. That's enough for a small vacation.
- I'll be putting less stress on my body and hopefully will stop breathing hard just looking at a hill.
- My health is improving.
- Olivia won't think of me as her "smokey mom."
- Rick won't be able to bitch at me for smoking, spending money on cigs, or smelling yucky.
So I'm not sure if you knew this, but I have been trying to lose weight. I'm trying to eat right, exercise. I put my weight on the screen at Central every week... just kind of a big accountability thing. But it's a real struggle. Right now I have gained weight over the past month. It is a constant battle. But I think there is growth in the trying.
ReplyDeleteI've been battling being overweight my whole life. It is now part of my self identity. I think I feel about overeating the way you do about smoking. It's horrible for me, costs me money, probably is an embarrassment to my wife and one day, Lydia will figure it out that her dad is fat. And I don't want her to be ashamed of me. And I never want her to have the kind of struggles with body image as I have... or all that goes with being overweight.
it's funny how the stuff that is killing us, is the hardest to quit and overcome. I wish I could have beat this when I was your age. It's harder when you are older I guess. So hang in there. I am cheering you on from the sidelines.
But when all is said and done, don't let either your victories in this area.... or your failures... define you.
Wow, thanks Paul and I agree, I think both challenges are very similar. I've been really impressed with your weight loss journey and maybe assumed it was somehow "easier" for you, but I also realize that habits are habits are habits and unfortunately, the ones we tend to rely on are the ones that should be broken (why can't it be the stuff I already don't like that's unhealthy for me? That could be a sermon, hint hint). ;-)
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