Girl Time

As most chicks will admit, it is very hard finding girlfriends. VERY HARD. I have been lucky in life, however, and have made a handful of really good friends (girls) that I love. Unfortunately, they seem to be forever and a day away. At this current moment, I feel that if I do not hang out with some of my friends soon, this woman (me!) will be homocidal.



I've spent part of the past few days wondering how more women don't end up completely mentally broken or homicidal. It seems that even though we've gained equal rights, men have yet to fulfill their end of the bargain. I am thankful for my right to vote, work, etc... however it seems that as more responsibility (priviledge?) was given to women, the better off the men became. So now, not only are we still raising the children (whether you're a single parent or not, women do the brunt of the "work"), taking care of our parents and extended family, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, dishes, and nurturing whatever seems to be around us, we are also charged with bringing home a paycheck, wjtb work takes away valuable hours of our lives. Don't get me wrong - I like , maybe even love, my job. This is not my plea to become a stay at home mom (although I doubt I'd have any extra free time even if I were). I am just ... stunned by the responsibility I face on a daily basis. As a worker, I want to do my job to the best of my ability and truly succeed professionally. As a mom, I want to make sure I spend quality time with my child, while teaching her right from wrong, disciplining her when necessary, and making sure that she knows she is my #1. As a girlfriend, I want to be happy and loving and not the stereotypical "nagging" and never satisfied woman. As a regular person, I want my house cleaned, food on the table, pets cared for, and my regular living environment taken care of. Trying to do all of this while retaining my sanity, at this point, seems impossible. How do people live like this?!?! I enjoy my time with my daughter. I can't handle a dirty house. I love my boyfriend and want him to be satisfied with our relationship. Where does that leave me? Drinking a glass of wine and blogging alone on the back deck while my house gets progressively dirtier and the boyfriend naps - seems to be the answer to that question.



Here's another question I do not have the answer to - Is this it? Is that what I have been waiting for? Don't get me wrong, for me to complain is a bit ... offensive to people out there that do not have the fantastic life that I know I live. But dude, I am tired. And grouchy. And filled with guilt that I'm never doing enough and the things I am doing will never be done to the best of my ability - who has the time???



I don't know if it's just today, but I'm unhappy. I'm unrested. I'm frustrated and ingrateful. All I want is a night alone with my friends where I can laugh and tell stories, and bitch and complain, and just do NOTHING but hang out like a normal person, not like a girlfriend or mom or worker or housecleaner, just me.



If this was anyone else's blog, I'd think "understandable, I get what you're saying," but because it's mine, I just feel like a bitch.