First, I guess I should give you some background. I'm usually the one in my group of friends that is single. Chronically single, some may say. It's not something I've minded, though I won't pretend that I was always comfortable when out with my "coupled" friends, nor will I say I was never lonely, or curious about the whole "love thing." I'm picky. I also like to think I'm mentally healthy, knowing that I do not need someone to complete me. I can't say I've not dated some real losers, but I also can't say I was everyone's ideal partner either. Anyone that was able to put up with my craziness for an extended amount of time deserves some type of positive recognition. I've stopped dating guys for weird reasons (arms too hairy, underwear not my preferred style, etc...), but I've never regretted any of those reasons. In fact, I don't think I have many regrets about my love life, other than the fact that I gave "love" (for lack of a better word) to some men that just didn't deserve it (what woman hasn't though, right?).
*** This will no doubt contain much more information than anyone would ever want to know***
First kiss: M. was one year older than me in school and he kissed me in band class when I was 14. I immediately wanted to throw up and was extremely disappointed in the entire experience.
Shorty: I thought he was the coolest thing since jarred pickles (b/c bread is stupid) and he eventually liked me too. It was my first and only high school "romance." We dated on and off for most of my high school career and surprisingly, it was me who finally ended things for good. Before the last break up, there were numerous smaller ones, mostly revolving around the topic of sex (he wanted it, I was saving myself for marriage!!!). At one point during one of our "breaks," he took the virginity of another girl from our school. I heard all about it the next Monday during classes - about how he hung her undies from his rear view mirror and actually did a celebration dance immediately following the act. I believe the straw that actually broke the camel's back, so to speak, was when we were making out and he reminded me of a tiny, tiny person that completely disgusted me. After that, my obsession died.
Tall as Balls - This was my main college "romance." It lasted for the majority of my time at OU, consuming my first 2 years of college. He was an athlete, with smooth words and a friendly demeanor. I would cry at night in our dorm room, listening to Brandy or Monica's love songs while my roommates tried to sleep, just hoping that one day, he'd love me as much as I thought I loved him. Some highlights of this relationship include:
* Once I stayed in his hotel room with him (he was kicked out of school briefly for grades) and the next morning, had to take a taxi back to my house. The taxi driver inquired about my rates.
* I had a skin infection on my face that I thought at the time was herpes (turned out it wasn't, but until I learned differently, I totally freaked out). I saw him out that weekend and took a swing at him that was immediately blocked by his friend - who promptly got bitch slapped by yours truly.
We eventually were able to become friends, but needless to say, he's not one of my BFFs.
The Choker: My first "adult" relationship. We met at work. I wasn't initially attracted to him, but he grew on me after the first time we hung out recreationally. Our romance was horribly intense and seemed to happen really fast. To be honest, I believe that most of those intense emotions were left over from the partying we were doing on the weekends. The rush of the buzz, the beach, the whirlwind of people and friends around us... It all just added up to be this fierce, fast event that went as quickly as it came. To make a long and complicated story short and simple, the relationship deteriorated fast once the "fun" was replaced with reality. Eventually, altercations got physical (which is why I call him the choker). I remember calling my friend the next day to confess to her that I had become "one of those women that allowed that stuff to happen to them" and how broken and useless I felt. Luckily, that was the first and hopefully the last time I will ever feel so low. Ironically, I heard from The Choker within recent months and he apologized for being a less than stellar boyfriend. Somehow, I can honestly say I have no hard feelings.
The Donkey: This is my way of being nice and not calling him the asshole. We met at one of my work events and I found him pretty darn attractive. We hung out at a more reasonable pace than that of The Choker and I. It was the first relationship I'd considered having since becoming a mother, so I was extremely apprehensive, in an excited way. Our story was short and pretty sour. He was ultimately a very rude, unhappy guy that liked to push his unhappiness onto anyone in the area. He was a funny guy, but it was almost constantly 100% mean type of funny. He wasn't comfortable at all with dating someone who had a child. We did most of our communicating through text and email and so one day, when I had reached my limit, I emailed him a very mean, honest email to tell him not to bother talking to me ever, ever again. I'm not mean like that very often and when I am, it's quickly followed by some massive guilt. Not this time - a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I not only felt justified, but validated. Quite a while later, he emailed an apology to me, telling me that he was only so mean because he was just very unhappy with himself at that point in his life. While I understand his words, I'm not regretful at all about how things turned out.
My Love: My current beau. :-) I'm not one of those people who is comfortable at all with talking nice about their partner. I often find it awkward, alienating for others, and just mostly bullshit. This is my one time exception. I never ever ever EVER thought I would find someone that is so perfect for me. When I found out I was pregnant with Olivia, my fears were confirmed - how could I find a guy that would be perfect not only for me, but for my child too???? Funny how things work out... We knew each other when we were very young (pre-school age type stuff) because our families were friends. As we got older, we weren't close at all and I just saw him as that little boy that I loved to tease. He tells me that he stopped by some of my apartments during my college years and hung out, but my memories of those days are hit and miss. The next time I remember seeing him was in town in all his grown up hotness. I was with my friend Dave at the time and I remember telling Dave how impressed/attracted I was. A few myspace messages later and here we are! I can't begin to describe the ways in which we're perfect for each other - it's such a surprising find and I feel lucky to say that I have what I think most people long for and many people never find. I'm able to be the same in front of him as I'd be alone - I'm not ashamed of singing and dancing through the house, or eating crazy food concoctions while he questions my sanity. I love hearing him snore and trying to get his limp body off of me when he does his "tests" to make sure I'd be able to move him if he somehow died on top of me (we are weird, I already know). A few weeks ago, he was holding me upside down, pretending to hump me while I screamed for mercy. It was then I realized that maybe we really are meant to be, that maybe I've actually found that one person that complements my life perfectly. Good thing I kissed all those frogs, eh? :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment