I've been reading this book called 12 Christian Beliefs that Can Drive You Crazy. I think some of these beliefs are what feed my guilt. To clarify, the things listed in the book aren't necessarily biblical beliefs, but assumptions that many Christians may make that seem biblical. For example, one of my favorites is "Give your problems to God and everything will be much better." I understand the basic principle - try not to worry and rely on God to get you thru the tough times, however not only is that easier said than done, but it's also not a cure-all for any and every challenge that pops up in life. Just by praying and saying you're giving your worries to God does not mean that your life will automatically improve and that your worries will disappear. In fact, believing that is the case can drive one to the brink of insanity and self hatred ("if I still feel depressed/worried/stressed, I must not be giving it all to God, which means that I have some sort of problem" - adding to the already stressful situation).
Although I think my family has good intentions, guilt has been an ingrained emotion throughout my life. My mom was never mad, only "disappointed." I was given the freedom to chose most of my decisions, however the implications of how what I chose could or would affect others was always presented to me in a very guilt inducing manner. Taking on responsibility for others' feelings and well-being seems to be a genetic trait that has been passed down through the women of my family for a while now. My hope is to break this cycle and allow Olivia the freedom to taking care of herself first, guilt free.
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